How do you Feel About Strangers?
This is for my introverted clients and community, I think this might surprise you - yes speaking with strangers is good for you!
Joe Keohane wrote this book, The Power of Strangers, and it’s really changed how I look at people now.
The Power of Strangers is meticulously researched and reads sometimes like an anthropical study. Joe spends some of his time spending time on tribal bands of humans and how we made peace with strangers to survive. According to Joe, “socializing was survival, and survival was socializing.”
But the main question is, why should I talk to strangers today and especially as business owners and as humans, how does it benefit us?
Keohane really examines these questions with lots of psychological research. The evidence he presents is that when we do connect with strangers, we like it, we value it, and want to do it again. Joe also meets and connects with lots of people and groups that love to connect with new people. This is accomplished through one on one conversations, on a street corner, in a classroom, and engaging in all kinds of subjects of life with the goal of finding common ground. I believe in this day in age, we probably can’t get enough of it!
Keohane finds that even passing interactions can enhance empathy, happiness, and cognitive development, ease loneliness and isolation, and root us in the world, deepening our sense of belonging.
When we interact, such as “smile, make eye contact to establish a connection, and have a brief conversation”, folks gain a stronger sense of belonging, improved mood and happier about their interactions.
The author gathered practical tips from experts on how to talk to strangers, and even tried them out himself in the wild. He does a good job summarizing what he learned in the last chapters of the book and I want to share these with you (I’ve been trying them out as well!)
1. It’s easier to start a conversation if you and another person are part of an experience such as riding the bus and you witness something odd or funny happening. A good example could be waiting in line at the grocery store and noticing a cute child or something funny happening.
2. Get off the daily script. Notice that whenever you go to the grocery store or coffee shop, the dialogue is pretty safe. "Hey, how are you?" "I’m fine." Instead try asking an open-ended question like “What are you looking forward to this weekend?” I used this line with my auto mechanic who I hadn’t spoken with much in our few encounters. This question led to him telling me all about his upcoming Alaska cruise and how excited he was about it.
3. Trying saying “good morning” or a similar greeting and smiling when walking past people. Joe notes that greeting people is handled differently in different parts of the country and world. Here in Portland, I've noticed we aren’t as friendly as folks were when I visited Austin, TX. I was surprised by how many people at a grocery store were super friendly to me!
Rule of thumb - Use good judgment, there are times when people are less approachable. Be able to read the room and assess if someone is approachable. As a highly sensitive person, this is no problem for me but I know other folks who aren’t as sensitive as me might have to practice this!
Marketing can have a playful curiosity and getting to know people on a basic level can even help you have insights (even if you are focused on only digital marketing). Nothing beats speaking with a real human on a daily basis. I encourage you to try out some of these techniques and report back to me your results, I have an idea they will be quite delightful.
Next time I’ll share a story of how interacting with strangers led to great things in my web design business, stay tuned.